Well that was a long old day.

• Ticket says doors open at 3:30, close at 4pm. Read: get there for three really. It is very cold, just before four o’ clock we’re led into a waiting area marquee. By about 5:15pm we’re finally let into the studio – so you’ve got there on time and as a reward, you’re punished by an over two-hour wait in the cold. Yeah, thanks for that. Could this set a new benchmark for the worst recording experience ever, set only six months ago by Don’t Scare the HARE? (9th September)
• Now our opinion of the show is coloured by an episode and various clips of the Spanish show Los Ultimos 20 Metros, which I ultimately thought was a decent idea, but somehow done in the least interesting way possible.
• The set is large – main stage up one end, audience sitting along the sides with the far end taken up by a large version of the show’s logo. Running round the studio is a rather lively marquee which has some rather cute apposite phrases to display – almost giving its own running commentary, really.
• Vernon Kay is our rather informal main host and I thought he was very much in his element here, good rapport with crowd and contestants.
• Four contestants are introduced on the big screen doors on the main stage with a slightly silly voiceover (it took me a little while to place after an initial “THIS isn’t Peter Dickson!” line of thought, during round two I twigged it was Most Important Man In Television 2006 Glenn Hugill). Quick chat, and intro to the first game.
• The show’s premise is that questions are asked, the buzzer is 19 yards away and between you and it are some crazy obstacles. Each round’s course is introduced by a verbal silly description and physically with a lot of fanfare – the giant logo lifts up to reveal the obstacle course and buzzers on a big moving stage which is winched onto the main set with all the dry ice and steam cannons and music you could hope for. Already, this is tonnes more fun than the Spanish show.
• At this point roving reporter Caroline Flack is introduced to give the low down on some of the things to watch out for. In this round (Caught in the Net) contestants must clamber up a hill under a net before crossing a canyon in net tunnel filled with bungee wires and (what looks to be) 400 foam-filled balloons. To be honest, the attempt to add a gungy element to the proceedings is a bit half-arsed, but this doesn’t really detract from the proceedings. The buzzers are massive red lighty-up knobs – bigger than the ones Ant and Dec use.
• In the Spanish show, the contestants line-up at the start and the computer gives them clues to a thing. When they know what the thing is, they run down the course to hit the buzzer. Our version works differently – Vernon reads out a list of questions on a category, one every five seconds (for example, he’ll read out a list of positions in various sports, you have to name the sport). The list starts off with obscure questions and the difficulty gets easier each time. When you know the answer to one, bomb it down the course (Vernon has several variations on this, most of which deliberately designed to use the words “know” and “go” in his patented Boltonian). When you get to the end, you answer the question that has just been asked when you started going for it.
• I’m not sure if this is better or worse than the Spanish version. It allows for more questions to be asked for sure, although I did get the feeling some of the contestants were finding it a bit hard to hear him – once someone starts running, the music and lights all kick in. Vernon does get a rather nifty well-eighties handheld microphone for this bit.
• Once everyone’s on their way, the questions stop coming and Vernon runs down the other end to meet and greet the competitors racing for the buzzer. The first person to buzz gets to answer their question, and if they’re right they’re through to the next round. If they’re wrong, the next person who buzzes (the buzzing sound effect is nice and meaty, and usually turns up whilst a different conversation is happening which is always fun) gets to answer and so on and so forth. If nobody gets it right, they’ve all “gotta do it again!” Regardless, the game is repeated until one person hasn’t made it through who is eliminated. In what I think is quite a nice touch, the lanes aren’t reset between questions so if you know you’re not going to make it first time, you could burst a load of balloons to give you an advantage next time. Eliminated contestants are told that “at least they get to go home in a posh taxi,” which I can only assume is a baffling reference to The Apprentice.
• Game Two this evening is Walk In The Dark, where the remaining contestants (who are blindfold, and in a move that is quite ingenious, never get to see the course) must run through the obstacle course without being able to see any of it. There’s not much to say about this other than it is genuinely hysterical (not in a cruel way, either) and I’m interested to see how it is edited. At various points one contestant tries to leap the side barrier and crawls into another contestant’s lane, whilst another ends the round pretty much back where he started.
• The ticket suggested the approximate finish time would be 8:15pm. Unfortunately by this point it was half eight. By the time they turned the set around for the third game it was likely to be about 9pm-9:15, and after the “tense end game” where the winner could win up to £100,000 it probably wouldn’t be finishing until ten at least I reckon. Unfortunately I don’t drive for three very good reasons (almost driving into a truck, almost hitting the test centre gate, jumping a red light) and if you do drive then Pinewood’s fine. But if you don’t it’s an absolute nightmare, especially this week when the trains from Kings Cross are a bit funny. So I left.
• Normally after a long recording session such as this I’m usually one of the last ones standing but my will to live will have left a long time ago. I think it’s a credit to the show that I was a bit disappointed not to be seeing what was coming next. This is a credit to the show, and also a credit to the Dale Winton-esque warm-up man whose name escapes me (he actually did the warm-ups for The Krypton Factor last year as well) who managed to fill at least 90 minutes with a slightly crap quiz and managed to get to members of the audience to strip to their underwear for chocolate. Evidently there is nothing people won’t do for a fun-size packet of Milkyway Magic Stars.
• I would be intrigued to find out how many people stayed to the bitter end, once again Endemol can’t turn around a TV show within a decent time frame, although at least they don’t seem to act too surprised when everyone buggers off three-quarters of the way through.
• I’m also intrigued to fiund out what round three and the “tense end game” entailed, so if you were there this evening and saw it, do feel free to let me know.
• Basically I think they’ve taken the format and ran with it visually to great effect, and I hope it turns out well on the television. They’ve sort-of turned the format into a sort-of grown-ups version of Funhouse, sort-of.

Edit:

• “The endgame works thus: Vernon and the buzzer are on a moving platform. You face questions and, instead of being against the clock, the platform moves away from you as you answer – taking buzzer and host with them. Hopefully it’s a witty and yet dramatic way to end things.”