It’s the second semi-final of this this evening – BBC3, 8pm-10pm. Paddy O’Connell and Sarah Cawood are your guides.
As ever, if you’re watching, feel free to give your opinions on the songs along with marks out of ten. Someone will tot them up to form a result for the Bother’s Bar jury.
And this is the semi-final we can vote in by telephone if you live in the UK.
Let’s spreadsheet this mother.
I’m here.
Oh missed the beat to the opening credits last semi.
Paddy seems to have just about arrived at the commentary boothe.
Paddy’s looking for a Union Flag.
…Would anyone admit to that this year?
We get to vote this year.
…This semi, even.
Don’t forget you can’t vote for the UK…
…Not that we’re singing tonight.
Lithuania will perform first?
Guessing it’s just us two this time? If so, then averages are gonna be a bit easy.
There is a Welshman singing tonight. As well as an Irish entry.
Have Ireland sent another turkey?
Niamh Kavanagh won it 17 years ago, you know…
Yeah, first up’s Lithuania. Remember, any new people who come in (if any), chuck a rating out of 10 if you want.
Lithuania
Human beatboxing. Interesting.
I’m liking this. Fun and musically interesting to me. Albeit only slightly so.
Lyrics are… Uhh… Repetitive, but I dun mind that when the musical dynamics are semi-interesting.
…And shiney boxers.
That was fun.
8/10
Lithuania: I still love this. Been one of my favourites since day one. Probably not going to win, but SHH. 9/10.
Lithuania: 9/10
Armenia then.
From the ridiculous to the pretty.
With pyros.
And this is quite a pleasant piece.
Random tree in the background.
Yeah, ok, 8/10 again, I think.
Armenia: Coming from a guy who doesn’t really like the ethnic-sounding entries, I did like that. Nice double-time drum loop in the choruses. 8/10.
Armenia: Really has that rumba vibe to it, plus nice vocals 8/10
Israel
We’re hearing words apparently. Well, I should hope so, it’s a song contest not a music contest.
Guy and a piano singing. I’m not convinced the violin? provided chords are neccessary. Or beneficial to the piece.
Or the drums.
Male ballad, and overproduced given the quality of his vocals.
6/10 – The non-piano and light distract from the quality.
Israel: His voice is not quite there. Shame, because after the initial ballady bit, when it picks up with the epic rock ballad bit, the music is properly good. 7/10.
Denmark
Light pop-rock. In a Napolionic war style jacket.
Oh it’s a duet. Through a wall.
…Is this His Dark Materials inspired? (Probably not, it’s just using some visuals that make it sort of seem that way)
…Is it me or are the standards today higher than Tuesday?
8/10
Denmark: It’s a run-of-the-mill pop ballad that samples Every Breathe You Take by The Police for some reason. Personally not feeling it that much, it’s a bit dull. 5.5/10.
Switzerland
Singing about golden showers apparently.
At this time in the evening? I thought this was meant to be a family friendly show.
Your basic Eurovision song, really.
Heck, it’s doing light pop on the choruses and light ballad on the verses even.
Decent enough but nothing exciting.
Almost a definition of a 7/10
Switzerland: I swear the instrumental is a lottery gameshow theme somewhere. Sounds a bit like it, don’t you think? It’s a little middle-of-the-road, but not that bad. This contest does need a bit more dance-y stuff really. 6.5/10.
Giorgios Alkaios has an awesome accent.
Swedon
A girl and an accoustic.
The slight vibration on her vocals doesn’t really work for me, but it’s a pleasant voice aside that and the vocals are pretty.
She lost the guitar and gained a backing group and a wind machine.
Another song overproduced for the content.
…Didn’t we enter this song last year?
6.5/10
Sweden: She isn’t playing that guitar. Anyway, AOR with slightly iffy lyrics. Not loving the melisma. 6/10.
Is it me or is the average age of a Eurovision, er, performer very low this year?
Anna Bergendahl is at least the fourth one I’ve encountered who’s not yet 20.
Niamh Kavanagh’s actually old enough to be her mother…
Azerbaijin: If this makes the final, I have to sing “hamster, hamster” along with her. And that’s all I can really remember good about the song. It’s basically a Rihanna album-reject. 5/10.
Azerbaijan give is a love song. Between a singer and a dancer, seemingly. Is there metaphor going on here?
Not based on the lyrics.
Unless Song is pissed at Dance for doing a horizontal rhumba with an Instrumental.
Not too bad, but nothing special.
6/10
Ukraine
…
…OK…
…
Not usually a fan of eurovision ballads, but the dynamics on this one are nice.
Even if the content is a bit darker than I typically like in Eurovision. Surprised by how much I’m enjoying this.
Nicely sung, though.
8/10
Ukraine: Sweet People, the song which describes why humanity is crap and we’re all going to die. Yeah. Christ, Kiev isn’t THAT bad, surely?
7/10
Some viewer asks “Are the stagehands ninjas?”
Netherlands: Get back to the 70s kids show you belong. I seriously do not like this one iota. 3/10 (for existing, and even then, that’s generous).
The Netherlands
…Well, that’s quite the staging.
I see Father Abraham of the Smurfs has about the same musical influences as he had in the 70s…
Saying that, this is fun but not at the contest’s expense. I like it.
…Oh dear lord I seem to be swaying.
With slight head bops to the beat.
Can’t wait to find out what the lyrics mean on Saturday should it get through.
…I think I sang a long to the last bit there…
9.5/10
Romania
Loving that piano prop.
If I thought those keyboards were plugged in beyond the lights I’d be loving it more.
Quite a nice song as well.
Not really the sort of thing I go for in the ‘real world’ but… Feels right for now.
8.5/10
Romania: Ooh, this is good. Nice bit of piano house. First Romanian entry I’ve ever liked? Possibly. 8/10.
Slovinia seem to be giving us a hybrid of traditional folk and modern rock.
…Well… for values of modern set at least two to three decades ago. Still.
The effect works well for me. Especially the way they’re interupting each other’s genres.
Three cracking songs in a row. I think that’s a Eurovision record for me.
Sorry. Wait. What? Was that an Accordian/Guitar section? And even more incredable, did that work?
10/10
Slovenia: ahahahaha, what? It shouldn’t work, but…somehow it does. Oddly. 6.5/10
Wait, GUITAR SOLO. Obligatory +1.
7/10.
Now it’s NK’s turn!
COME ON NIAMH!
Ireland give us a traditional Eurovision style ballad.
Ah well.
The only mystery here is how long until the wind machine.
Nicely performed, but… Absolutely nothing to see here.
Ah, here we are. Wind machine.
Although used with some restraint, I note.
6/10
Ireland: It’s a ballad. A good ballad, though. This may very well qualify. 7/10.
Bulgaria
…Wait. Hang on. Am I imagining this or is this the firsst majorly homoerotic entry of the contest? Surely not? Well, there were the shiny boxers, but… Not really homoerotic…
Oh, there are women dressed in as little as the male backing dancers too.
Generic pop-rock.
…Wait.
Are the guys shirtless with baby oil or are they wearing clingfilm? I thought the former but in some shots…
7.5/10
Bulgaria: Barring last year, they’re quite good at this sort of thing, aren’t they? Another nice Eurotrance ditty there. DDR steps for that now. 8/10
Cyprus
…Enter a Welshman.
It’s generic pop. Nice generic pop, mind.
7.5/10
Cyprus: Pop-rock ballad. A bit weak really. 6.5/10.
Going to pop to the bog in the break.
I really like the Irish song. I think they have a great chance of coming in the Top 20 of the final this year.
Croatia
The pitch of the three parts are too similar to my ears for this to properly work as a three parter.
They harmonize well, though.
Other than that, generic three piece ballad.
With wind machine. And more dancing.
And same-sex relationship subtext to the dancing.
6.5/10
Croatia: RnB ballad. A bit like drinking wallpaper paste. Wait, it’s picked up a bit. That’s a little better. Now it’s like drinking heavily diluted squash. 5.5/10.
Well I’d give Niamh at least 8/10!
OK, Ireland once again have an act that looks very ordinary – no crazy pyrotechnics, no funny props, no bizarre costumes, no outrageous movements, pretty much none of the stuff that’s normally associated with Eurovision winners these days – but NK is a fantastic singer, a lot better than at least a good number of others in this year’s contest, and it’s the sort of song that, if it was just Western European nations competing, would almost certainly do incredibly well indeed.
And I’ll say it again – Niamh won this 17 years ago…