I’m really, really, woefully, bitterly underprepared for Eurovision this year, and in actual fact I’m very likely to be busy during the two semi-finals, so for the first time in a long time I’m going to be going into Saturday’s grand final with no preconceptions, other then I reckon Blue will go Top Four and win me some money.
In the meantime Tuesday night is the first of the Eurovision semi-finals, and importantly it is the one that people in the UK can vote in. You will find it on BBC 3 at 8pm with Scott Mills and Sara Cox providing the commentary.
As is usual, Punters are invited to give their opinions of the songs on the night, if you make a separate line of a comment the name of the country and a mark out of ten somebody will probably tot them up and some sort of Bother’s Bar jury decision will be reached.
The BBC has some downloadable scorecards for you if you like and want to know the order of the songs in advance.
Outside of the UK (or perhaps preferable to the BBC3 coverage), you should be able to watch on a livestream on the official Eurovision site from 8pm UK time/9pm Europe. It should last two hours.
news from Italy: RAI will NOT air the first Eurovision semi-final, but will air the second on RAI5 and the big final on RAI2 hosted by Raffaella Carrà
Uman was already canceled after all of two episodes
Watched Parole Crociate (Crossword) and it’s really the cheapest show you can get. Still, an entertaining way to spend 25 minutes if you like quizzes. I’ll post more details later.
Do you know which channel and time Parole Crociate is aired?
I do which there is somewhere you can look up listings for certain Italian game shows since Game Show Kult in Germany no longer ran a service for nearly two years.
I read the channel was IRIS, and the program debuted on a Wednesday lunchtime. No idea whether it’s a daily thing or not.
yes, it’s IRIS, a channel about cinema. it debuted this Monday and it airs weekdays at 1PM (should be midday in the UK). it will run for 70 episodes regardless of ratings.
For those interested, it was announced today BB USA will start July 7th, with the normal Wed/Thurs/Sun show schedule (Thursdays are live shows as usual).
No Generic Strobe Warning this time, as last year. And they are dialing in the commentary from London…
Stefan!!
Scott Mills calling him the German version of Vernon Kay. At least he has done his research on the Beat the Star/Raab format but Raab is more like a younger, German Bruce Forsyth. Since Raab falls into the rare breed that is the all round entertainer (singer, musician/song writer, presenter, chat show host).
Right, let’s get this show on the road, and Microsoft Excel online!
Poland start the show with awful singing and unwarned strobe lighting. Never mind, they won’t go through to hurt me twice. Do the large Polish diaspora vote?
POLAND 3
Poland: the singing really was so much better on the album.
4/10
Norway go all multicultural on us. It’s trying to be “Waka Waka”, isn’t it? I think I would have liked it if I heard it enough at the World Cup, but in a German stadium that wasn’t used for the preceding tournament it doesn’t quite fit.
Also, the only person on stage not wearing a very short skirt so far tonight is the one male dancer in this. Feminism FAIL.
NORWAY 5.5
Norway: well, it’s the first actual African-based language at Eurovision, not just Swahili, isn’t it? Anyway, it’s more than a bit monotonous, unfortunately.
5/10
I’m favouring the German feed via the dish at the moment as they haven’t got that horrid BBC Three logo on the screen. Semi Final 1 is being aired on Pro Sieben.
Albania have a curiously-attired performer, though she isn’t showing as much leg as the other two acts and their dancers.
She’s trying a bit hard at this belting malarky, isn’t she? Song is generic otherwise, but at least the vocal is interesting. Even if I am not entirely certain how safely she is producing these sounds.
ALBANIA 6
Albania: This is more like it. Minor vocal niggles at the start, but otherwise, yeah I like. OOH, nice ring of fire bit on the drum roll!
7.5 /10
Damn it Eurovision, why have two similar sounding countries right next to each other? Stop confusing me!
Armenia: Aaanyway, the vocals have been a bit weak so far, haven’t they? Nice backing, anyway. Inoffensive disco-pop. Good Lord what was going on with the high note?
5.5/10
Armenia… More strobes, more generic singing, more OTT belting… Can I get a ballad, please?
ARMENIA 4.8 (deducting up to .3 for each strobe use)
Turkey: first male vocalist, he’s adequate, it’s a decent slice of rock – rhythmically very nice.
OW SHINIES DO NOT WANT. -0.3.
Also, barely-clothes contortionists trapped in Atlaspheres?! Whaa?!?!? Distracts from a good song, especially as you can hardly see them amongst the lights and the video screen.
TURKEY 6.2
Turkey: Turkish rock! Contortionist woman dancing in an Atlasphere! Air piano! The contortionist woman’s ACTUALLY a phoenix!
I really liked it, for me best song yet. 8.5/10
MisterAl likes the Serbian entry apparently.
It’s not “Molitva” that’s for sure – it’s a 60s throwback. No strobes in the conventional sense, but the psychedelic swirls may affect some viewers with photosensitive epilepsy. Especially given how fast they move. How have we had no warnings tonight?!?
Can’t watch, don’t much want to listen. Have to mark this down badly.
SERBIA 3.75
Serbia: Well it’s better than ‘sexually-ambiguous Sara Cox’ last year, isn’t it? Actually rather nice and 60s. The first KEY CHANGE!
Also OH GOD FLASHING BACKGROUND. Does nobody in Germany have epilepsy or something?
6.5/10
Russia are throwing money into this. Timbaland co-wrote “Believe”, didn’t he? Well RedOne is a co-writer of this.
It’s a ballad, with Overwrought Pretty Boy Tenor Vocalist 108, until RedOne reuses half of the accompaniment of “Just Dance” (which, of course, he produced). You called it, Scott!
Alex, if you do the mashup of those two songs, it will probably be my favourite moment of the show.
Oh, yeah, strobes.
RUSSIA 5.3
Ha, that MIGHT be tricky. None of these entries so far sound like themes from Gladiators.
Russia: Oh hey, it’s the same guy who produced for Mylene Farmer!
The verse chord structure is WEIRD. Like, it doesn’t know what key signature it’s supposed to be in. Nice chorus though. LOL last note.
Mylene Farmer WOULD have done this better.
6/10
Having failed to realise how only the chorus of the Russian entry sounds like Just Dance… A blessed relief with the Swiss folk-country ballad. Weird background, but the only one so far tonight I know I can actually watch.
SWITZERLAND 7
Had to mark it up as I could tolerate it.
Switzerland: Aww, I feel all warm and fuzzy! Nicely done vocals, too! This could do very well.
8/10
This is meant to be the worst for strobes, by the way. Georgia.
Georgia: OK, I loved the national final one, now the singer’s changed, and it’s in a different key. And I’m not as much of a fan.
Actually, I don’t mind the main vocalist anymore, it’s the rapper. But still, I like it.
7/10
I only saw two seconds and it was enough. Shame, decent rap-rock song. If this gets through, I will have to head away during the Eurovision party I will be at on Saturday.
GEORGIA 6.7
Paradise Oscar – apparently the name of a strip club in suburban Sheffield.
BLUE DIM LIGHTING WITH ONE WHITE SPOTLIGHT OMG I MIGHT HAVE TO VOTE FOR THIS JUST FOR THAT.
The question: would I enjoy this at an open mic night? Answer: maybe. Am I enjoying this in this context, amidst a barrage of the Wrong Kind of Shiny? Answer: HELL EFFING YES.
AND IT HAS AN ENVIRONMENTAL THEME.
I can’t see anything topping this tonight.
FINLAND 9.5
Yes, well done Jeff Brazier.
Finland: Ooh, this is rather nice. Something that doesn’t do anything spectacular, kinda like Me and My Guitar. And that’s a pretty big compliment!
8/10
Thought of that one too. Was a blessed respite from 2010’s shiny attack, and 2011’s is far worse…
Malta: Follows the Eurodance formula with the twist of two vocalists, one male and one female, singing in the same range.
Strobes. Sigh. I want to hear Finland’s entry again.
Key change. Yawn.
MALTA 4.3
Malta: Dull instrumentation, bad vocals. Not even a key change can save it.
They could use that piano bit in the break for something good in some trance track. Maybe.
3.5/10
San Marino’s singer wears a dress low-cut enough to allow the camera to imply she is naked. Is feminism dead? I need to play Roger Cicero’s entry from a few years ago with a title that translated to “Women Rule The World”, for some reason…
…like the fact it was better than this. No strobes, anyway, so it gets a full complement of mediocrity marks.
SAN MARINO 5
San Marino: Ballad, in the soft-rock vein. As ballads go, I’d RATHER have these rather than the RnB kind, so…OK, I guess?
6/10
Croatia and their strobes, plus their rewritten lyrics, offer the best argument yet against expansion of the EU.
CROATIA e
(Yes, that is a number, non-mathematicians.)
How many d.p. would you like it to?
Hahaha.
Four will do.
CROATIA 2.7183
Croatia: Damn it, Daria, you can do a higher octave in the intro! Second verse is better for that. Worryingly I heard a dubstep ‘wub’ in the beginning. Please don’t do this to me Croatia. OH GOD THEY DID DUBSTEP noooooo
And KEY CHANGE!
This would have been MASSIVE in 2001.
6/10
5/10, I mean. Dubstep basically knocks QUITE a bit off.
Iceland can be summed up in two words: pleasant throwback.
ICELAND 6.5
Iceland: You could fit the chorus from Shine by Take That in and I wouldn’t notice the different. Aaanyway, it’s different, I’ll give them that. However I’m not much of a fan.
5/10
This sounds like a potential winner. However, the odd head-voice swoops in the chorus remind me why 95% of all choruses written for female pop vocalists rely on belting.
Oh, yeah, nasty strobes.
Now she starts belting high notes.
HUNGARY 6.2
Hungary: And Kati Wolf has decided to put a sapphire-studded Danish pastry on her finger. Ooh, proper Eurodance without shitty dubstep breaks! Magyar Bilingual Bonus verse!
Well, it’s better than Croatia, but it’s not as good as I originally thought it was. Shame. But still, it’s good enough.
7/10
Portugal WITH A POLITICAL ENTRY!!
In the most mind-bending form imaginable.
Was this song written as a subversive capitalist prank to make socialists look like jokers?
At least it has a good beat and no horrible lights. And I don’t know if I want to understand the lyrics or not.
PORTUGAL 5
Portugal: What the hell is this?
3/10
Lithuania. SHINY ATMOSPHERIC LIGHTING! Lush strings! And a vocal that is the right kind of overwrought!
OK, maybe the wrong side in that chorus. But clearly second to Finland at worst. Crowd seem to agree, you can hear them mid-verse.
LITHUANIA 9
Lithuania: Piano ballad. Someone put this in a Disney movie already.
5/10
Azerbaijan start with movements right out of Enfield College AS Dance.
This could be another good performance for Azerbaijan, it sounds like the sort of song that does well, and it’s coherently staged.
AZERBAIJAN 7
Also, that effect with the fireworks resembles the German Millionaire jackpot win lighting, doesn’t it?
Azerbaijan: I’m trying to think what Western artist this sounds like, can’t quite put my finger on it. Anyway, attractive little bit of AOR that’s not that bad.
6.5/10
Greece: “We can’t afford to win it this year.” So let’s use the German hospitality on the staging (strobing included) so we look like we are trying, despite entering abysmal rap-folk fusion.
GREECE 3.3
Greece: it’s bad urban rapping with heavy Greek undertones. Good time signature changes. And that’s all I really like about it.
It’s basically something to smash plates to, if you were smashing plates in an urban warzone. And it’s about as good as that situation ends up.
4/10.
So, according to the Bother’s Bar contingent:
12 – Finland – 8.75
10 – Switzerland – 7.5
08 – Turkey – 7.35
07 – Lithuania – 7
06 – Georgia – 6.85
05 – Albania – 6.75
04 – Azerbaijan – 6.75
03 – Hungary – 6.6
02 – Iceland – 5.75
01 – Russia – 5.65
You know it was a weak semi where 5.65s are getting into the final.
I had no idea Eurovision was streaming worldwide and I could therefore watch it here in America, so I only caught the last two acts live, but from the recap clips I liked Switzerland and Iceland best.
And I think I would have liked Finland more if I heard the whole thing.
And now Sara Cox with Slovakia’s Twiins doing things with a banana.
No, that’s not innuendo.
Enjoying the drumming toupe. Shame BBC Three had to pull it away.
Ooh! Results time.