8pm, BBC3
Official ESC live stream
This year I’m going into this totally blind. The UK cannot vote in this semi final – we get to vote in the on on Thursday.
This is the one with JEDWARD! and the Russian grannies.
Feel free to leave comments and opinions on the songs and staging. The commentators for the UK are Scott Mills and Sara Cox.
I’m also likely to be commenting on Twitter.
Israel: 6/10 Of the ‘quirky’ entries this is by far my favourite because it’s more about the melody and instrumentation being unique than being pure kitsch. And I actually like his voice, it’s interesting.
ISrael – kitschtastic 8/10
Finland:
I don’t remember it. 5/10
Israel at least do something different. Not sure I like it, though. I think I preferred the first few songs.
ISRAEL 6
Be prepared. San Marino will be awesome
Israel:
So wonderfully quirky, it won’t leave my brain.
8.5
Was going to stay for one more song before leaving for work, then I found out it’s San Marino. Nope.
-5/10
SONG 11, the much-hyped San Marino.
This is annoyingly generic given the hype, apart from the HOW THE HECK DID THAT GET THROUGH reference to “cyber sex”.
It’s a decent hook, though.
Will make the final. Which, for San Marino, is major progress.
SAN MARINO 7
San Marino: 20% of the country’s population on stage for this cringeworthy number. Weird, but catchy! Facebook woohoohooooooo. 7
San Marino:
I swear she uses the word “prick” in there. It’s…so damn cheesy. Over the top cheesy.
6.
San Marino 8/10
Cyprus – this would be a good song but I don’t think much of the artist. 7/10
SONG 12 – Cyprus, with a Greek X-Factor entrant singing “La La Love”.
Average, conventionally attractive female singer wearing a barely-there outfit, singing English-language cheese over a stomping Eurobeat, accompanied by similarly-“clad” dancers. The sort of song I really, really, really don’t want too many of in the final. There always is, though.
This one’s good enough to be one of them.
CYPRUS 6
Cyprus:
I swear the vocals were supposed to be higher. It’s like she’s had anti-helium, or whatever it’s called if it exists. This was really good in the promos but I think the voice has taken the shine off it, sadly.
7
Cyprus: this actually sounds better now they have some backing vocalists. Shame she’s a little ropey live. 7
Denmark: can’t actually tell this is live. Sounds just like it does recorded. Great song. 9
FAME ACADEMY REFERENCE!!
SONG 13 – Denmark
Imagine if Avril Lavigne was in the Danish navy and you get the idea of what the lead singer looks like.
Avril would have done this song better though. Song’s rather good, all told. But nothing special.
DENMARK: 6.5
Denmark: It’s Crazy by Seal done by an Alanis Morisette vague-soundalike! It’s…Denmarky, in that it keeps sonding like something else. Hmm.
6.5/10
Denmark: 6/10
SONG 14: The much-hyped Russian entry.
They’ve made pastries for everyone else in the competition. Don’t ask.
Russia:
WHY.
3. Because I don’t give lower than 3. And I’m off for food. THANK GOD.
Russia: well, y’know. 6/10
Remember, this is the same country who’ve entered with songs produced by Timbaland and RedOne in recent years.
And won with the former.
I shouldn’t be laughing at this but I am. It’s actually as infectious as anything else tonight!
Possibly a tad marginal for flashing lights, although they’re not fast.
And my word that oven was a live prop. How the heck does the staging manage this?
RUSSIA 8
Russia: really? 4
Hungary – decent 7/10
Hungary: a really well produced catchy song. 8
SONG 15 – Hungary – “Sound Of Our Hearts”, Compact Disco.
80s electronica? From Eastern Europe? Seriously? Slightly surprised.
That table with the laptop looks like it broke 30 years ago and has been patched together.
Good-generic. Will be playing this occasionally in the second half of the year. Probably on a playlist with “Getting Away With It”.
HUNGARY 7
STROBE WARNING. On the screen but not on the audio. Ooops!
GANGSTER TRACTOR RAP?!?
Austria: whilst this is funny, is it funny enough to qualify? And as for light up suits, Danny did it better in melodifestevalen. 5
Austria: I don’t know if I want to understand this or not, so I’ll just use this opportunity to point out that I inadvertently swore in German while talking about what Germans call a penalty shootout. Damn misremembering things from Schlag den Raab…
This is as brilliant as the German elfmeterschlessen record against the English. In other words, not perfect, but very, very good.
AUSTRIA 8.5
Austria – unexpected appearance of Stewart Lee. 8/10
SONG 17 – Moldova
That black-and-white swirly pattern might be uncomfortable for some viewers. The contortion in the background will put off a few more. And the lyrics and trumpet-driven instrumentation will deal with most of the rest.
MOLDOVA 3.5
Moldova 5/10
Are Ireland going to keep entering Jedward until they’ve paid off their national debt?
Right, speedy review round-up:
Hungary: 8
Austria: 4.5
Romania: 4
Wait, Moldova, not Romania, there.
Moldova: 6
Ireland: Jedward. Apparently they’ve threatened to come back every year until they win. I preferred their song last year tbh. It really gets on my nerves that they don’t rhyme the last line of the chorus. 6
Ireland: ehhhhhh
5.5
“Waterline”, by the band who tweeted how it would be cool to be on the Titanic. INSERT YOUR OWN JOKE HERE.
Lighting a bit on the flashy side briefly near the start of each chorus. A shame, I can’t appreciate the outfits that much.
Yeah, that should have had a strobe warning IMHO.
As for the song? It’s decent cheese. It’s Jedward, you expect nothing else.
IRELAND 7
Ireland – OK, but no Lipstick 7.5
Right, the BB jurisdiction says:
Hungary
Iceland
Denmark
Romania
Switzerland
Cyprus
Israel
Albania
Austria
Ireland
My predictions:
Iceland
Greece
Latvia
Romania
Belgium
Cyprus
Denmark
Russia
Hungary
Ireland
Well thanks very much everybody, I look forward to seeing how correct we are.
I predict:
Russia
Greece
Cyprus
Switzerland
Albania
Ireland
Austria
Hungary
San Marino
Iceland
Ooh, and my predictions are:
Iceland
Israel
Albania
Hungary
Switzerland
Montenegro
Romania
Cyprus
Greece
Denmark
UK: nice little ballad that probably won’t trouble the scorecards much, sadly. Especially as it’s first out.
France: dancepop with whistling! I approve.
Italy: now the favourite to win. Has a very nice 60s vibe to it.
Azerbaijan: and another year goes by that I don’t like the Azeri entry.
Spain: Spain’s best chance in years, but sadly I don’t think it’ll do as well as people think.
Germany: It’s this year’s Me And My Guitar! Could surprise, maybe?
ROMANIA ARE IN!
Moldova are…in!?
They appear to have nicked the tension music from Schlag den Raab. Amzaing.
Good old Brainpool!
ICELAND ARE IN!
HUNGARY ARE IN!