8pm, BBC3
Official ESC live stream
This year I’m going into this totally blind. The UK cannot vote in this semi final – we get to vote in the on on Thursday.
This is the one with JEDWARD! and the Russian grannies.
Feel free to leave comments and opinions on the songs and staging. The commentators for the UK are Scott Mills and Sara Cox.
I’m also likely to be commenting on Twitter.
Shall I break out the spreadsheets tonight?
It feels like that sort of time.
If people want to give marks, I’m totally for that.
Am I the only one who doesn’t want to watch either semi final, just so I can go into the final blind? (or should that be deaf?) I haven’t even bothered seeking out Hump’s song.
No, not the only one by any means.
Both semi-finals are in SD only 😐
That suits me. Flashing lights will now be in 75% less detail 😉
“Rapid flashing images”. Generic strobe warning, yay. Good start.
Sara Cox is delightfully deadpan. I think.
…and they’ve started a minute early to do a BBC-specific intro. Interesting.
Let potentially the last ESC before Europe as we know it collapses… BEGIN!
The colour scheme for this contest: red and orange.
Last year’s winners hosting this year. Implying they have literally nobody else to host.
Semifinal 1 is by far the weaker of the two based on the songs, imo. Still, it’ll be fun!
Her on the left’s voice is so smooth, like honey. And not the kind of honey filled with glass and hammers.
“The easternmost part of Europe”. Well, that’s one way to describe it.
SONG 1: MONTENEGRO: Rambo Amadeus, “Euro Neuro”
There’s eighteen tonight. Scott mocks the postcards, good work.
Oh this is great. It’s mocking the collapse of Europe isn’t it?
First use of the word “hermetic” in this year’s Eurovision goes to song number one, Montenegro.
If I understood the language I’d be able to judge it seriously. I can’t, so I’m going to treat it as one of the best comedy entries in years. With this bizarre instrumentation, dodgy hair, and hilariously accented delivery (I didn’t even know some of it was in English until the banners showed English lyrics he was about to sing), it has to be treated as such.
And that’s before we mention the dancing.
THIS HAS TO GO THROUGH.
MONTENEGRO: 8.5
Montenegro:
I’m going to get hate for this, but…I like this. It’s wonderfully terrible! I was singing along to the choruses. At least…I think they were choruses.
This has no hope of qualifying, but still: 8/10 (Cool, like a swimming pool)
I *think* English subs on the “subtitles” button this year.
The thing with Montenegro is
in the video, they at least had a live donkey.
Take that away and what is even the point.
Song two, Iceland, going for the Final Fantasy vote.
Hahaha, you put it better than I did.
Iceland going for the ridiculously overdramatic route.
Guaranteed qualification.
SONG 2 – Iceland. Missed who it was by.
We have a female singer-violinist and a male singer. The screens are showing icebergs or something.
This song started very well but doesn’t deliver in the chorus. The orchestral-rock arrangement, and the lovely low notes of the male singer, are very much worth plus points.
If this is the standard of the songs to come I think I’m going to mark this down as a classic.
…DRAT, I typed that and we get the first key change of the night.
ICELAND: 7.5
Iceland:
This is the fan favourite. And I can see why. The only problem is that it was FANTASTIC in Icelandic, and bringing it to English loses a bit of its…Skyrimness. Still, though.
Also first key change right there.
9/10
I’m not convinced it was that good, I give Montemegro 3/10, Iceland 6.5.
SONG 3 – Greece. I won’t even try and spell the name of the artist. Instead, I’ll note that her outfit implies that the Greeks can no longer afford clothes.
It’s a half-decent Generic Mediterranean Dance Stomper, actually. That + a willowy female lead singer not wearing very much = GUARANTEED QUALIFICATION.
Not as good as the first two but if this was on first I’d be saying “good start”.
GREECE: 7
Greece a bit by-the-numbers. But average Greece is still better than most, so a 7/10 from me.
Greece:
Sending us once again, music to smash plates AND DDR arrows to. It’s nice, one of the better entries that Greece have done. There’s quite a bit of vocal issues I have though. They’re…not quite right, sadly.
7/10
You play DDR? I’m a big fan personally! :>
SONG 4: Latvia – Anamry, “Beautiful Song”
OH GOD NO. Apparently she was born in 1980. This song sounds like it was the theme from a bad soap opera in 1980, as covered by a dodgy 2000s girl band.
Actually that’s being very harsh to 1980s soap opera themes and 2000s girl bands.
And the lyrics refer to old Eurovision apparently.
Very harsh indeed.
LATVIA: a very generous 2, and 100% certain to not qualify
Latvia 5/10.
Latvia:
Oh God, these lyrics were written by a six year old. Song is fairly by-the-numbers, doesn’t really go anywhere. Yeah. Just realised they’re performing on a giant twisty iPad.
6.5/10
I guess I should start doing this:
Montenegro: 1 – it would get a two with the live donkey.
Iceland: 6 – this one really annoys me because it has such easy appeal but I think it’s very mediocre. It has cool individual elements but doesn’t really work as a song, in my opinion.
Greece: 2 – I guess it’s not actually offensive to the ear, but just so pointless. A pale imitation of an actual pop song.
Latvia: 5 – this is serviceable enough but incredibly bland.
Albania: 3/10. Her voice isn’t really good enough to do what she’s trying, and it’s so pageant-ish. It’s about showing off vocal tricks more than being a song. Also, overdramatic, which is always a turnoff for me (and, of course, the modus operandi of Eurovision).
To catch up:
Montenegro: 2
Iceland: 8
Greece: 7
Latvia: 6
Albania: 3
Drinking game: drink for key changes, pyrotechnics, expressive dance, wind machine, costume changes. Also for uncomfortable exchanges with the hosts.
Are you trying to kill us, sir?
Switzerland: I don’t mind the song but way he sings is slightly unbearable. 6
Albaina: boring 4/10
SONG 5: Albania – “Suus”, Rona Nishilu
Female soloist with smoke machine, minimal red lights, and not much else. Someone has got to steal this staging for some game show end game.
This is pretty but not going anywhere. As if fully aware of that, and the fact most of the audience don’t understand the language she’s singing in, she starts belting very early on.
Best vocal performance of the night so far I think. I should absolutely love this but I can’t get into it.
Oh hello that’s an unexpected flip into a different voice quality.
It’s basically the Eastern European Bjork singing a movie theme, isn’t it?
ALBANIA: 7.5, and I’m convinced it loses a lot in translation
“Female soloist with smoke machine, minimal red lights, and not much else. Someone has got to steal this staging for some game show end game.”
It’s like The Cube, but more minimal. And vocally.
“Your challenge is to hold a high C for twenty seconds. Sounds simple, but can you do it on…THE FLOOR?”
SONG 6: Romania
With a band of seven. Someone has not thought this one through.
Albania:
Wow, she has a decent pair of lungs in her. This is a ballad that I actually like. This COULD do good. If people aren’t scared off by the SHAAAAIIIIIII
8.5/10
Romania best song yet, like that Verka Seduchka song from a few years back, but a bit more restrained.
7.5/10
Romania: love this song. A solid 8. Also, seems her earpiece has broken.
…by any chance, did you used to be on DDR:UK? That name is REALLY familiar.
Yes, I was! Wow. Small world!
I was the one with the 59 on the end of the name.
Small world indeed!
Gah, meant to post that separately and not as a reply to the BRILLIANT remark on Albania.
SONG 6: Romania, with a band of seven. One of whom, of course, has to sit out this performance. OUCH.
Inevitably, it’s not the thin female in the band, who’s on lead vocal duties. And is not great at them.
The music is generic-but-infectious Eurodance with folk instruments, and an odd breakdown around the two-minute mark. Very typical New Eurovision.
Not hugely keen, but it will do well.
ROMANIA: 6.5
Romania: 5/10 – I like the accordion, and it has a decent enough beat. I actually like this more than I did when watching the video. Although whoa there on the pyro.
Romania:
That’s…a guy moonwalking with bagpipes. Welcome to Eurovision! One note. But very nice.
7.5/10
FLASHING LIGHT WARNING for
SONG 7: Switzerland
Switzerland isn’t that bad actually, although it’s An Honest Mistake by The Bravery.
7.5/10
Oh right, the Bravery! That was the other one!
I knew there was another band/song it sounded like.
Switzerland: 6/10 – This is okay, more my style of music but incredibly generic. And the guitars in the chorus sound like a blatant ripoff of Bloc Party, except nowhere near as good. And the lyrics are ASTONISHINGLY trite.
Switzerland:
I like this. I want to love it, but…the vocals. That’s not how you pronounce “stream”.
8/10
Switzerland – judging purely on the song because I can’t look. It’s decently orchestrated pop-rock. Not sure I really like it, but it’ll definitely do.
SWITZERLAND 6.5
SONG 8: Belgium – “Would You?”, Iris.
They opt for youth with a teenager surrounded by subtle blue lighting. She’s shafted by an awkward melody, that she inevitably struggles with, although the idea may have been to make her sound that little bit awkward and fragile.
Awkward flickering of the lights in that first chorus. I’m noting that more for a friend with epilepsy in case this makes the final.
Which it won’t, because I like this sort of thing more than the average televoter and I don’t rate it that much, so there.
BELGIUM 5
Belgium: 7/10 My favourite of the ballads in this semifinal, but it gets more bland as it adds more instrumentation and picks up tempo. It was cooler when it was more subtle.
Belgium:
Ballad. It’s not a bad ballad, but…it doesn’t go anywhere, really.
5.5/10
Belgium, boring 5/10.
Switzerland: 6
Belgium: this song could be a serious dark horse in the competition. Decent placing in the final lineup and it’ll do alright. 7
Finland: bit bored really: 5
Finland: 8/10 – I really like that this manages to be understated but not boring. I tend to enjoy the less overblown entries. Her voice isn’t sounding as good as in the video though.
Finland boring but nice. 5.5
SONG 9 – Finland with a Swedish-language ballad, go figure.
Goes nowhere I can see.
FINLAND 5
STROBE WARNING for:
SONG 10 – Israel
Israel: I fell this could be transposed with You’re My Mate – Right Said Fred. 5